her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
