$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
