Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
