Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
