Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
