So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
