so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
