Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My feet surprised me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
