Just fell off a train. Bad.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
