Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
