I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
