Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
