It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
