I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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