Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
