Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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