there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
