My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
