I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
