Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
