if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
