I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
