I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
