i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
