So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
