can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
