Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
someone owes me an orgasm
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
