I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
