OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
