Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
