Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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