Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
