I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize