I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
