If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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