Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
