i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
