your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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