I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
