What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
