he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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