My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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