he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
