Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
