I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
