So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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