My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
