i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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