I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
