Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
