I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
