I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
