Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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