Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
