only if we run a train.
done.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
