SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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