i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
