Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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