Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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