I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
