My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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