Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
