Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
