she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
